Home in Phnom Penh

We have been back in PP about three weeks now and finally the lifestyle we were so comfortably ensconced in, is returning.

 

It was a shock to discover how much muscle mass and balance and strength have been sacrificed to a full time working routine that doesn’t provide any opportunity for managing your own wellbeing, and how the mental toll and loss of momentum in healthy life style activities impact every other aspect of  daily life. Now we are beginning to get back on track.

 

Having established a new swimming and table tennis option we can now return to the balance, strength and flexibility exercises that will ensure we get back to the level of physical fitness and positive mental activity that was the norm just five short months ago.

 

Seeing old friends, maintaining new connections, paying attention to the reality of our urban environment and seeing so many new developments in infrastructure and improved local community conditions is inspiring.

 

 

How fortunate we are to come back to changes that we may never have noticed if they had slowly emerged around us while life plodded on. The proposed pedestrian zone and ongoing footpath reinstallation is significant in terms of both beautification and practicality. We have continually discovered more and more accessible walking paths in areas we have lamented their complete lack in the past.

 

Plans for the future are taking shape, things are looking up again and visitors are about to arrive in droves. Good times ahead for sure.

 

Let’s not dwell on the finances and instead count the blessings. When I look at the current situation in so much of the world I feel we have so much to be thankful for, so reinstating our health and fitness to ensure we enjoy it more and for longer is now the priority again.

MINDFUL MUMBLINGS!

 Mindful mumblings or the monkey mind? 

Maybe just overthinking.

29/4
Sustainable Development Fee

I don’t want anyone to pay this on my account and certainly not from an educational budget! 

At least now I have a name to apply to the barrier between Bhutan and us. 

We walked over 45 kilometres in the city in weather conditions that constantly had the ‘feels like’ temperature above 40°C for considerably portions of the day this last week, composted most of our garbage and recycled glass, cans and cardboard without much of a system in place to do so. The amount of physical waste we add to the system is less than the volume of a litre of juice which is the container we carry it down the stairs and into the streets in, quite often, and only every two or three days do we need to do that. I was disappointed to have consumed a delicious drink in a single use plastic cup this week when I always assiduously avoid them. I also avoid cafes that use plastic straws and even donate them alternatives. Exponentially adding to my own ecological footprint, isn’t an option and not a mistake I often make.  Conscious and mindful living is sustainability too!

30/4

This morning Ian said that Madam is going to speak to the ED about a waiver on the SDF because after all the YDF is a CSO! 
And that actually made sense to me. Acronyms are endemic in the kingdom and require deciphering. There was some joy in the fact that I actually understood it. 

Has the Bhutan bubble burst? Only time will tell. 

1/5 
It currently takes more optimism than I can actually muster to continue to keep the faith. I mourn and regret the neglect of the slow, simple, sustainable and safe lifestyle we worked hard to establish and once relished here and how we have allowed the sheer joy of it to lapse lured by optimism and hope. 

The black hole beckons. I need to rethink the physical, emotional and mental cost of living in limbo. 

I talk too much and write to rein in the monkey mind that threatens to overwhelm me. 

“Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering, 
There is a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in.“
Music helps. 

Only now, it occurs to me returning to living more mindfully in the present, is the best way forward.  

2/5 

I’m grateful so many former students sent Teachers’ Day messages today. There is truly nothing more gratifying that knowing you actually made a difference. If I never get the opportunity to be in a Bhutanese classroom again I will be forever grateful for the time I had there and the things I learned about myself in the process. There were frustrations, conflicts, failures, joys, achievements and life lessons that will always stay with me in those years. Blinkers off real life learning. 

I also unexpectedly realised today that of all the places we have lived, Cambodia is now the record holder of the country we have lived in and loved for the longest consecutive time span. Almost six years currently but ‘it ain’t over yet’ as the saying goes. 

3/5

"The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”
David W. Orr - Ecological Literacy: Educating Our Children for a Sustainable World.

I have read this several times before but it truly resonated today.

 

Mental Health and me -confessions of a serial writer.

I have always used writing as a way to cope and feel less anxious about current events in my life. It’s like once it’s on paper or these days on my phone, then it’s no longer playing in a loop in my head creating that monkey brain feeling. 

Every so often I come across something I wrote and it blasts me back to that exact time. There is no angst attached and much of what I read has already been completely forgotten and forgiven, however it always reconfirms for me that the simple act of writing it down is a release and a comfort. Most often I reread these scraps about a former me and a situation long ago resolved and discard them but sometimes I hold on to them just for the sheer exhilaration I feel at not only having survived, but having moved on with grace and dignity and largely forgotten those grievances and trials. 

It hasn’t always been that way. There have moments of hysteria and emotional outbursts, and trauma too great to merely subside of its own accord, so the palpable relief of writing has shown me, resilience can be learnt and relief can be achieved. 

I decided to publish this little gem, which I discovered on my phone when a recent update revealed documents I had thought were lost long ago. There is no need to date it and certainly no offence is intended. Quite the opposite, I can now feel proud that I never articulated any of these issues at the time but simply wrote a piece that was entitled “Time to Walk Away”. 

...........It was.......I did. 

 

“I don't want to have my work load increased by 25% by someone who freely admits they don't remember what my load is or doing it. 

 

I don't want to have to respond "I don't know," to students when they ask basic admin questions because so many decisions are made at the very last minute, behind closed doors and never informed to mere plebs. 

 

I don't want to meet deadlines for people who have no respect for my personal time. 

 

I don't want to be constantly told about teamwork while always being isolated from everyone and expected to work independently and then share. 

 

I don't have to feel like a leper.  

 

I don't want to be threateningly reminded about respect, sincerity and integrity without ever feeling I'm on the receiving end of any of them. 

 

I don't want to hear any more empty promises, be impacted by the double standards or have to tolerate those who only play lip service to what has been democratically agreed to. 

 

I don't want to sit through any more meetings with leaders who freely admit that they don't even remember what decisions were made. 

 

I don't want to write any more formal letters to request casual leave or permits or permission only to have to chase the recipient down to get a verbal approval at the eleventh hour. 

 

I don't want any more staff or students to TELL me that I am tutoring them English next term because they need to improve their language skills. 

 

I don't want to hear second hand that I don't smile enough when the person who says it, to a colleague not me, is a big part of the reason why. I smile at every kid I teach and they make me want to smile a lot of the time. Remember sincerity! 

 

I don't want to be told to take it lightly anymore ...... because I don't think that's what teaching is all about. I think you take it seriously and give it your heart and soul, and if you don't, just don't do it at all. 

 

And maybe I don't think I've got it in me to keep working this hard for five and a half days a week anymore. I can't do less so maybe I just won't do this anymore.”