!

Martha is dead

I need to say it aloud to make it real.

This is an almost friend of mine…..

We had less than a year to get to know each other

But we made similar life choices and lived in similar worlds

I cannot console myself

and still I do not comprehend the grief that overwhelms me

I appreciate the Buddhist precepts more

Because this happened here

But I am denied the option of respect for the dead I know

Forced to confront the reality of impermanence

Embrace life: It may be all you have

I cannot console myself

and still I do not comprehend the grief that overwhelms me

I do not want to cloak it in euphemisms

I wish she had been happier here

I regret the indecision, the inaction

I hear the loudness, the easy laugh and the exclamations

I cannot console myself

and still I do not comprehend the grief that overwhelms me

I wish you peace and know that it is no longer possible

Lessons have been learnt at your expense

Flags will fly in your honour

Lamps will salute your wit, your tenacity, your hutzpah!

I cannot console myself

and still I do not comprehend the grief that overwhelms

Embrace life: It may be all you have

  

********************************************

Madam Martha as you were wont to say

“Where is the family brain today?”

They drove you mad but didn’t drive you away

That happened when you died today.

What a strange week it has been.

I headed off to school on Monday feeling like death and almost regretted the decision to go after an unpleasant altercation with the Vice Principal. I fully understand that I can change very little but I still feel the need to speak out when I see situations that distort the sense of justice and fairness that I possess. My worldly and wise XC boys told me straight not to speak to him because this is Bhutan and nothing will change. Well that was a red rag to a bull and I quipped that there is no point in democracy if we don’t exercise our rights and there is no reason to have them if we say nothing. Nothing has or will change!

I managed to cut myself some free space and time and salvage the situation enough to complete the day’s classes and then escape having given notice that I would not be back the following day as I really needed to visit the Basic Heath Unit (BHU). My track record with medical institutions is not great and I have been doing my utmost to ensure I never graced their premises with my presence but go I did the next morning.

Escaping one lesson early from school enabled me to pack up the precious paper cranes my class has made over the past month. We did our best to accomplish the task in a month and several students have really taken this project to heart. They pitched in and had them all ready to be posted complete with a sign by Monday afternoon and so off to the post office I went as soon as I was out of school.

Cranes ready to post

Tuesday at the BHU was a comedy of errors with me having no idea of how the system works or what to do but somehow I managed to get registered and place my ‘chit’ on the doctor’s desk before he appeared for consultations. I sat on a low wooden bench with mostly young mothers and babies, the odd few monks, most of them also young and the elderly.  The toddlers were absolutely fascinated by me, and my reading a novel only further convinced them that I was some strange subspecies. They approached staring and darted away giggling as soon as I lifted my eyes from the page, only to repeat the process over and over until my name was called and I disappeared into the inner sanctum.

It turned out the 4 different medications I was prescribed and given completely free of charge finally did make some inroads into my illness, but I spent 2 full days at home recovering before I felt ready to return to school. This respite enabled me to start on the Class XI short stories and I punctuated my days with 5 stories checked before lunch, 5 more before a short nap and in this way whittled away at the mountain of marking.

Day scholars right after football out to watch the archery

I was running on less that 100% for the remainder of the week, but at least I was there and that alleviated the guilt of missing classes with my class X home class. I stayed after school and taught make up and remedial classes both Thursday and Friday and they were both appreciative and relieved to have me back. When rain caused the morning assembly to be cancelled, they and I fronted up in the classroom 20 minutes early to use the extra time for English. They even thanked me for it. We are all on the same team and I worry endlessly that my lack of understanding of the system will in some way handicap them in the national testing known as the Board Exams.

Top scoring archer

Inter- House Archery tournaments have also been going on after school for most of the week and the final was hotly contested on Friday. Rangjung won the national title last year so there is a lot at stake here and this year’s team will have to be selected soon.

Typical local house

Just when I was beginning to feel that I would never feel totally well again, we heard that Madam Martha from Dungste Middle Secondary School had been in hospital in Trashigang for 3 days!! Well that snapped me out of it. I have a partner and I am improving; She is alone and desperately ill without a diagnosis.

Downtown T/gang speaking to my sister because today is her birthday.

We immediately decided that we needed to go see her on Sunday. There are things that can only be done in Trashigang and we imagined that we would also be able to get a few errands run today but that was a mistake. The only barber was closed, the photo shop was locked up tight, the electricity was out and the vegetable market had a scant supply but we did find a few items unavailable here in Rangjung.  Cauliflowers and passion fruit are welcome additions to our diet and both came home with us today.

Martha in the ambulance

The main purpose for our trip was to see Martha and that we did accomplish. Just 20 minutes before she clambered aboard the ambulance to Mongar Referral Hospital. She was not looking her best and definitely needs an accurate diagnosis and immediate treatment. She was however being cared for and assisted by 2 wonderful women from her staff and one of them went with her today. Ian has taken it upon himself to pass the number of this woman on to BCF office and contact those BCFers within striking range of Mongar to tell them of Martha’s arrival. Thanks to Sheal for responding immediately and visiting today too. Moral support will certainly not go astray at this point. Part of me wanted to get in that ambulance and go too today just to help, but I figured I would be of no assistance and Ugyen with her language skills and native knowledge of the system and local awareness of what needs to be done is a much more useful ally than me.

the ripe rice

We returned from T/gang with our thoughts and conversation constantly returning to Martha. The huge changes that have occurred to the course of the river and the massive quantities of debris left in the wake of the recent flooding however did not go unnoticed. The river-scape has changed dramatically. There is also one field of rice absolutely perfectly ripe and standing boldly yellow amid a sea of green. We resolved to take a walk back along the road to investigate these scenes once we got home. I for one was clearly delighted that I felt well enough to want to walk 10km and it was a much more pleasant prospect than the remaining 50 odd short stories. Having spent 4 hours yesterday afternoon on that task I figured I was allowed a whole school free day!

Zen Art

The walk was great and the Zen Buddhist Art creations in the river, landslide evidence and crop investigations were merely the excuse we needed to get out and about again. As always we bumped into several of Ian’s students near their homes and just dying to have their photos taken. Some of these same kids ran this route in the annual school marathon in the rain on Saturday. The one who lives farthest from the school was the first place getter for junior boys for the second year in a row! That 6km each way daily is certainly adding to his fitness levels.

landslide

To end on a less happy note: It seems Ian is now getting my dreaded lurgie and the dementors are in town!!!

a family affair - making a local snack that resembles cornflakes

Sick as a mongrel dog

Last Sunday at the end of the sports meet when I left with a sore throat I was convinced that I had just been too zealous cheering on the teams, but by the next morning it was evident that I had a ‘bug’. I guess when you are in close proximity to so many kids for so long it is inevitable that you will catch something from them and I guess that was what happened.

When Monday was declared a holiday, I optimistically thought that I would recover completely that day and cut myself some slack in terms of just ignoring the 40 portfolios on my desk and requiring urgent attention. I am normally vey robust and healthy so that means I am a terrible patient. I haven’t had much practice at it. After this week an award needs to go to Ian for keeping me hydrated and fed without ever losing his temper at my constant grumblings.

I have heard my mother’s voice in my head “Feed a cold and starve a fever,” and then I wonder was that “Starve a cold and feed a fever.” I guess I didn’t learn that lesson Viv.

Tuesday dawned and off to school I went knowing that I had remedial classes to make up due to lost time at the sports meet, a poster competition to reorganize judging for and the impending doom of trying to complete the syllabus before the term evaporated, looming large in my mind.

I struggled through lessons by having classes copy notes from the board as all thought of actually teaching or even speaking was impossible with my sandpaper throat and croaking voice. Rarely do such lessons occur on my watch and the students responded by doing the right thing and making use of the remaining lesson time to complete their short story assignments.

Every afternoon after school urgent activities take precedence and Tuesday the whole cohort of class X and XII students needed ID photos for their board exam registration, so I joined the team of teachers trying to accomplish this without impacting on the selection process for the annual concert. Then watched the hopefuls audition for selection until it was no longer possible to continue because the power had gone out.

By Wednesday my make up remedial class again had to be abandoned due to the urgency of the incomplete concert selection. I was actually relieved since I was feeling worse and feared that this was no ordinary ‘flu’. Recently a school in our locality had to close due to a H1N1 outbreak and being the pathetically miserable patient that I am I was convinced that this is what I had!

I moved the Class XI short story poster judging from after school to Thursday lunchtime when I heard at assembly that all senior students were required to listen to a lecture after school.

I am impressed with the way you can simply ask these students to give up half their lunch break to do an academic task and they willingly comply. More than that they approach it with integrity and never complain about the loss of free time or the sudden rescheduling.

I had spoken to the elected judges about being fair and honest and given them criteria and they were expert at the job. During the judging I simply looked the posters over, ignored the criteria and selected which ones I thought should win in each of the 6 categories, since I had brain space for little else. Sure enough when I added up the scores from our 6 judges from each of the 3 classes, they got the same results that I would have. Fair and honest – No favouritism towards their own classes with perhaps just one exception…… Dorji Phuntsho!

By now the end of the week was in sight and I had not had one full night’s sleep and was feeling worse day by day though my voice had improved enough to speak just not for prolonged periods. Good thing I focus on student centred activities! This ‘bug’ had me feeling like my head was full of cotton wool. My eyes were burning, my nose running and my ears blocked and I had a hideous hacking cough to accompany the whole symphony of symptoms.

Friday I was hopeful that the public performance of the concert starting at 6 pm would at least let me off the hook with respect to my remedial class after last period. But no, when asked, all those who were supposed to attend including those actually performing in the concert, were keen to go ahead with it so “What to do?” Carry on regardless.

Just 45 minutes before curtain up (should have been -BST delayed it by a mere 30 minutes) several class XII boys arrived to borrow my Brokpa hat to complete their costumes. They were still 4 hats short when they left our house but miraculously when act 2 started they were all wearing the right headdress. How do they do that?

The concert itself was fun but in my condition just concentrating on which groups had requested videos of themselves and trying to get some decent shots especially of those who rarely perform, drained what little energy I had. Throughout the show students sidled up to me and  whispered “Video Class XII Science, Madam!” or my favourite “ No zooming madam!” They certainly know what they want and are sure if they ask I will do my best to comply.

It was a little disappointing to see that the hall was nowhere near full but the audience who were present certainly appreciated the show. Luckily I caught my name in the all Dzongkha commentary by the MC and remembered that I had been told by the students concerned, that they would dedicate one act to me. The day scholars certainly stole the show that night.

Saturday with only 4 classes seemed a breeze, even if I was still feeling no better. After my final extra class for English a few of the dedicated XC students put the final touches on our 1,000 paper cranes so they can be mailed on Monday.

That pile of portfolios has now been reduced by only 5. With all the additional activities this week there simply hasn’t been the time or the inclination and all 98 short stories have now joined them on my desk. It is near impossible to find any desk space but my head is not up for the task so I am trying not to sweat it.

Saturday night’s concert was not a repeat but contained several new acts especially selected to delight the student only audience. The best and most appreciated from the previous night were also there and much to my surprise, we two really were the only non-students in the audience. Since students from my class were yet again performing and some for the first time in high school, Ian and I returned to the hall and took the seats of honour in the front row. Yet again I had requests for videos and the students were genuinely thrilled to have us present, so much so that one act was again dedicated to us.

Girls to the left, boys to the right and this time the hall was bulging with eager spectators. There was a good deal of cat calling, cheering and audience participation. The atmosphere was vastly different from the previous evening that is for sure. Nothing like a hometown crowd to really see if you cut the mustard when you strut your stuff!

So here it is Sunday morning and nothing will make me want to start in on that pile of portfolios and short stories. I guess they are not going anywhere. But the optimism that had me thinking last night that I was really on the mend has faded and it is all I can do to keep breathing. Tomorrow, when this has been a week long malaise, I may just have to swallow my pride, break my track record and make my presence known at the BHU: (Basic Health Unit) -somewhere up until now I have not had cause to venture near!